We strive for happiness in every possible way except one. We miss the morning dew. Yes, the tiniest droplet of a compound of two parts of hydrogen and one part of oxygen ushers in a new beginning, a new world. It says that the world has gone round 360 degrees. All the happiness are bestowed at our feet every morning. But alas! we dump them every time. Happiness, indeed, comes in tiny particles rather than in one bucket.

The blog...

...strives to express the basic feelings of life, in a humble way; with certain diversion, of course.. [:D]

Almost

>> Friday, April 26, 2024

I am 99, and 11:59

I am the dart, that hits the outer bull’s eye

In a world of grace, her melody twirls

In her eyes she holds, the ocean’s glow


Place: the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight


Shreya was standing under the tree, the place which Akash told her. It was their first date, and he is late, 20 minutes now! Surprisingly she is not agitated. “Such a weird meeting place!! Typical Akash!!”, thought Sreya, with a slight smile and loads of good feelings. The euphony of the dried leaves made an agreeable interlude in her ears. The water in the lake was calm, only to be broken by the gentle ripples created by the almost white swans swimming gleefully. The banks of the lake were almost filled with water hyacinth. Some of the hydrophytes have bloomed with pretty light pink flowers. “An invasive plant specie can also be beautiful”, thought Sreya. The reflection of the setting sun on the water blurred by the occasional ripples created a hallucinating effect. The incessant chirping of the birds in the surrounding trees made a chaotic rhythm. A mild breeze mixed with the scent of wild vegetation was blowing through her lightly tied hair. Sreya was overwhelmed with excitement mixed with an unknown nervousness.

After her first bad encounter with Akash at the wedding, her impression gradually changed. When Akash apologised about his behaviour Sreya unknowingly started liking him. Maybe because of his respectful and charming behaviour. His initial apology converted into gradual conversation about everyday life. They started sharing their best memories and dreaded nightmares. She got to know Akash better. Their occasional pings converted into frequent messaging and sharing trivial incidents. Aakash had almost become a part of her everyday life, unknowingly.

Sreya was engrossed in her surrounding and thoughts when she saw Akash at a distance. His white shirt was folded almost upto his elbow. Again, signs of imperfection. But that did not stop the butterflies flying in her stomach which transformed into a smile at her face. She has already started falling for this incorrigible and imperfect boy.


Place: walkway to the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight


Akash’s favourite number is 7. He is a frequent to the place and knows almost all the corners here. He was aware that the setting sun’s rays would fall through that particular tree during sunset. And he was not wrong. The golden rays kissed gently on Sreya’s face. The mild breeze blew her locks of hair onto her face and she brushed them off absentmindedly. She was wearing a blue and white salwar, and a small black bindi. She was like a living poetry and Akash wanted to read it over and over again. The incoherent laughter from the nearby laughing club group is no distraction to the classical rhythm in front of him.

Sreya is the almost perfect girl Akash met in his life. He could not stop himself from chatting with her. Gradually he started feeling comfortable and opened up about himself. He shared his emotions, memories, likes and dislikes, an unlikely trait of an almost introvert like him. He never shared his emotions with anyone, but with Sreya it was different. He wanted to know her more and he only knows the fear and subsequent courage he had to muster before asking her out. Naturally he was ecstatic when she agreed and wanted to create the best impression. 

Aakash knew that Sreya was a perfectionist and he didn’t want to create another bad impression in front of her. But being Akash, misfortune never deserted him and he was unintentionally late. All along the way he was constantly thinking how to make amends for being late, which made his mind very chaotic. But the moment he saw Sreya from a distance, he almost immediately calmed down. Chaos gave way to rhythm, like the constant flow of a rivulet creating a soothing sound of water. 

When Sreya looked at him with a smile, his heart easily skipped a beat. Like an hourglass, his world turned upside down at that moment, and just like the grains of sand, he fell for her, slowly but completely.



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Lost

>> Wednesday, August 25, 2021

I am lost,
Like a note in a corked bottle;
And thrown into the ocean,
Wanting to be found
By the sailor singing for home,
And burnt in the hearth,
To rise like the phoneix,
From the blown away ashes

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Becoming

>> Saturday, April 4, 2020

To take mossy, forgotten pathways
Some roads are lost to be found
To take detours, stop a while to stay
To find yourself, infinite and unbound

1:27 AM; Balcony

Aakash lit up a cigarette. He needed to clear off his mind before writing to Sreya. The rudeness in Sreya’s text did make him feel bad. And he was perplexed; “Why am I hurt?”

Any other day, any other girl, a response like that, and Aakash would have never turned back again. He tried the same with Sreya, but he couldn’t turn a blind eye to her, he couldn’t ignore her. His thoughts went back to her dreamy eyes, her addictive smile. Draped in saree, she was the most elegant beauty in the entire wedding. Aakash do not remember the bride, or the groom. But he does remember Sreya’s every bit today. This is not the usual Aakash. 

He has been thinking about her all throughout the evening; he is thinking about her now. After her response, he was hurt, but that did not prevent his thoughts, and the “feel good” feeling that her thoughts brought along. The more her words circled in his head, the more good feeling it gave him. More than the rudeness, he was happy that Sreya responded. This is a feeling Aakash never experienced, this is some uncharted territory that his emotions are flowing through.

1:30 AM; Balcony; Aakash is typing

“I am sorry, Sreya! I do feel bad behaving in such a way; and I do apologise for that. I do respect girls; today I had a strong temptation to talk to you, never ever I did such an act before. Sorry again :)”

Wow! Was it Aakash who wrote that message? Neither could Aakash believe what he wrote. He wanted to respond with a strong message, befitting response to her for judging him without knowing him. A punch on her face for concluding about his nature. The more he thought about her, his feelings gradually turned from rage, then feeling guilty and then to an unknown emotion. 

Aakash imagined her embarrassed expression when he approached her, it made him feel bad. He imagined her furious face, “She looked very cute being angry! Her expressive eyes were more sweet than the rosogolla!” He is feeling a void inside his chest, lost in his thoughts. He was unmindful of the moonlight casting a silvery spell on the dark road in front of his balcony. He was unmindful of the scent of the jasmines that adored the entire neighbourhood, or the white cotton like clouds that were floating in the sky. 

This is spring. Aakash is missing Sreya!

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Being

>> Sunday, March 29, 2020

To break out, like the waves at sea
To fly happily, like the yellow butterfly

12:55 AM; Sreya’s bed

Its okay, did not expect that you will stalk me and then apologise for that! Be a little more respectful next time.

“Shit! I did not mean to be rude.” After the 20th attempt, Sreya drafted the text. She was not able to understand how she should respond. She was feeling good inside that Aakash texted her, but was not able to comprehend why she felt that way. At the same time, she was a bit disappointed also for his behaviour, earlier in the evening. She was unable to get in terms with her feelings.

With mixed emotions, this was all that she could respond. It was rude. “I don't know if he will respond to me. He is already an arrogant boy. My text will definitely hurt his ego! Should I apologise with a second text?”

Sreya is a beautiful girl, by appearance as well as by her personality. But she never took advantage of that. A lot of boys had approached her since her school days. She never liked anyone and was strong to express herself so that those guys never bothered her again. She never ever thought about love or her feelings. But this time, it was different. She could not understand why she was feeling bad, being rude to Aakash. She could not understand why she was feeling good, thinking about Aakash.

Sreya tried to divert herself and started thinking about the anatomy class next day. “I like anatomy, the lectures, the professor, my batchmates. I liked this evening. I liked when Aakash messaged me. Wait what?” Her thoughts have again drifted towards Aakash. “What is happening to my senses?”

1:30 AM; Balcony

For the last 10 minutes, Sreya was fighting with herself. She was constantly thinking, if Aakash would respond or not. Next moment, she wanted to smash his face, for being a disrespectful and arrogant boy. Again the next moment - “It was so sweet of him to apologise. Oh, so is he stalking me?” Her thoughts constantly went back to his cherry red shirt. “He was looking smart, and sweet? I find a boy to be sweet!!” Her head was thumping now. “Why is he not responding? How long should I wait?”

The next moment, Sreya decided to text him, against her nature. She will apologise for being rude, and then would block him. She does not want her focus to be diverted. She reached out for her phone, opened the app and saw, Aakash typing….

Sreya waited for him to finish, with butterflies in her stomach.. the yellow ones, her favourite. 

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Hope

>> Tuesday, March 10, 2020


The moonbeam wounding the forest dark;
the night’s reticence ruffled by a skylark


11:30 PM; Desolated broadways
The car’s engine and the headlight were the only two animated objects breaking the silence along the never engine stretch of the highway. The silver moonlight through the roadside trees casted a hallucinating effect; the orangish red light of the car’s dashboard added to the illusive ambience; the speedometer clocked 115 kph. Perfect setup, but today Aakash was not mindful of this platonic atmosphere!
Some 100 KMs from his home, Aakash’s parents cajoled him to attend the wedding, with the promise of good food at the reception. Aakash loved weddings – for the food; and for the girls draped in sarees. He was checking out the girls, when he saw Sreya. The moment was ethereal. He immediately started crushing on her.
He followed her all throughout the evening, ordered the mint flavoured blues lagoon – he hated mint – with hope that she will notice him. When nothing worked, he approached her, and casually asked for a date. Aakash never dared to go to this extent with any of his crushes. He was content to check them out from a distant. But this time it was different.
Aakash was remorse. He was feeling guilty of committing such an act. He is very respectful of girls, but somehow, tonight, he could not control his emotions. With guilt prevailing, he drove on, not mindful of his surroundings. His home was not too far away now. He wanted to reach as soon as possible and be left alone.

12:20 AM; Balcony
After reaching home, the first thing he did was to search for Sreya in Facebook and drop her an apology. He could sense her anger and embarrassment, but this is the best thing he could do now. He was wondering why he was feeling so much remorse, why he was frequently checking his mobile and hoping for a response from Sreya. “Why do I want to talk to you so much? Why do I want another opportunity to see you and have a memorable conversation?”  
He checked his mobile again. Sreya has read the message, but he is not expecting her to respond. This is making Aakash all the more remorse. “What she might be thinking about me? Will she reply to my message? Will she burst out?” Aakash wanted her to burst out, he will feel better and will be his salvation his immature behaviour. The streetlights were not glowing, they have also desolated him. The tree looked darker and solitary against the feeble moonlight. Aakash was feeling lonely.
He checked his messenger again. His heart got filled with a mixed emotion of happiness, anxiety, fear when he saw – Sreya is typing. Hope is not lost.

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