Becoming

To take mossy, forgotten pathways

Some roads are lost to be found

To take detours, stop a while to stay

To find yourself, infinite and unbound

1:27 AM; Balcony

Aakash lit up a cigarette. He needed to clear off his mind before writing to Sreya. The rudeness in Sreya’s text did make him feel bad. And he was perplexed; “Why am I hurt?”

Any other day, any other girl, a response like that, and Aakash would have never turned back again. He tried the same with Sreya, but he couldn’t turn a blind eye to her, he couldn’t ignore her. His thoughts went back to her dreamy eyes, her addictive smile. Draped in saree, she was the most elegant beauty in the entire wedding. Aakash do not remember the bride, or the groom. But he does remember Sreya’s every bit today. This is not the usual Aakash. 

He has been thinking about her all throughout the evening; he is thinking about her now. After her response, he was hurt, but that did not prevent his thoughts, and the “feel good” feeling that her thoughts brought along. The more her words circled in his head, the more good feeling it gave him. More than the rudeness, he was happy that Sreya responded. This is a feeling Aakash never experienced, this is some uncharted territory that his emotions are flowing through.

1:30 AM; Balcony; Aakash is typing

“I am sorry, Sreya! I do feel bad behaving in such a way; and I do apologise for that. I do respect girls; today I had a strong temptation to talk to you, never ever I did such an act before. Sorry again :)”

Wow! Was it Aakash who wrote that message? Neither could Aakash believe what he wrote. He wanted to respond with a strong message, befitting response to her for judging him without knowing him. A punch on her face for concluding about his nature. The more he thought about her, his feelings gradually turned from rage, then feeling guilty and then to an unknown emotion. 

Aakash imagined her embarrassed expression when he approached her, it made him feel bad. He imagined her furious face, “She looked very cute being angry! Her expressive eyes were more sweet than the rosogolla!” He is feeling a void inside his chest, lost in his thoughts. He was unmindful of the moonlight casting a silvery spell on the dark road in front of his balcony. He was unmindful of the scent of the jasmines that adored the entire neighbourhood, or the white cotton like clouds that were floating in the sky. 

This is spring. Aakash is missing Sreya!

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Being

To break out, like the waves at sea

To fly happily, like the yellow butterfly

12:55 AM; Sreya’s bed

“Its okay, did not expect that you will stalk me and then apologise for that! Be a little more respectful next time.”

“Shit! I did not mean to be rude.” After the 20th attempt, Sreya drafted the text. She was not able to understand how she should respond. She was feeling good inside that Aakash texted her, but was not able to comprehend why she felt that way. At the same time, she was a bit disappointed also for his behaviour, earlier in the evening. She was unable to get in terms with her feelings.

With mixed emotions, this was all that she could respond. It was rude. “I don't know if he will respond to me. He is already an arrogant boy. My text will definitely hurt his ego! Should I apologise with a second text?”

Sreya is a beautiful girl, by appearance as well as by her personality. But she never took advantage of that. A lot of boys had approached her since her school days. She never liked anyone and was strong to express herself so that those guys never bothered her again. She never ever thought about love or her feelings. But this time, it was different. She could not understand why she was feeling bad, being rude to Aakash. She could not understand why she was feeling good, thinking about Aakash.

Sreya tried to divert herself and started thinking about the anatomy class next day. “I like anatomy, the lectures, the professor, my batchmates. I liked this evening. I liked when Aakash messaged me. Wait what?” Her thoughts have again drifted towards Aakash. “What is happening to my senses?”

1:30 AM; Balcony

For the last 10 minutes, Sreya was fighting with herself. She was constantly thinking, if Aakash would respond or not. Next moment, she wanted to smash his face, for being a disrespectful and arrogant boy. Again the next moment - “It was so sweet of him to apologise. Oh, so is he stalking me?” Her thoughts constantly went back to his cherry red shirt. “He was looking smart, and sweet? I find a boy to be sweet!!” Her head was thumping now. “Why is he not responding? How long should I wait?”

The next moment, Sreya decided to text him, against her nature. She will apologise for being rude, and then would block him. She does not want her focus to be diverted. She reached out for her phone, opened the app and saw, Aakash typing….

Sreya waited for him to finish, with butterflies in her stomach.. the yellow ones, her favourite. 

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Hope

The moonbeam wounding the forest dark;
the night’s reticence ruffled by a skylark

11:30 PM; Desolated broadways

The car’s engine and the headlight were the only two animated objects breaking the silence along the never engine stretch of the highway. The silver moonlight through the roadside trees casted a hallucinating effect; the orangish red light of the car’s dashboard added to the illusive ambience; the speedometer clocked 115 kph. Perfect setup, but today Aakash was not mindful of this platonic atmosphere!

Some 100 KMs from his home, Aakash’s parents cajoled him to attend the wedding, with the promise of good food at the reception. Aakash loved weddings – for the food; and for the girls draped in sarees. He was checking out the girls, when he saw Sreya. The moment was ethereal. He immediately started crushing on her.

He followed her all throughout the evening, ordered the mint flavoured blues lagoon – he hated mint – with hope that she will notice him. When nothing worked, he approached her, and casually asked for a date. Aakash never dared to go to this extent with any of his crushes. He was content to check them out from a distant. But this time it was different.

Aakash was remorse. He was feeling guilty of committing such an act. He is very respectful of girls, but somehow, tonight, he could not control his emotions. With guilt prevailing, he drove on, not mindful of his surroundings. His home was not too far away now. He wanted to reach as soon as possible and be left alone.

12:20 AM; Balcony

After reaching home, the first thing he did was to search for Sreya in Facebook and drop her an apology. He could sense her anger and embarrassment, but this is the best thing he could do now. He was wondering why he was feeling so much remorse, why he was frequently checking his mobile and hoping for a response from Sreya. “Why do I want to talk to you so much? Why do I want another opportunity to see you and have a memorable conversation?”  

He checked his mobile again. Sreya has read the message, but he is not expecting her to respond. This is making Aakash all the more remorse. “What she might be thinking about me? Will she reply to my message? Will she burst out?” Aakash wanted her to burst out, he will feel better and will be his salvation his immature behaviour. The streetlights were not glowing, they have also desolated him. The tree looked darker and solitary against the feeble moonlight. Aakash was feeling lonely.

He checked his messenger again. His heart got filled with a mixed emotion of happiness, anxiety, fear when he saw – Sreya is typing. Hope is not lost.

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Flaw

The soft crease on an ironed shirt

The gentle sputter when a motor starts

The fog cutting through spring mornings

The guilt hidden in the noblest of heart

12:20 AM; Sreya’s room

“How cheap of him to ask me out on the very first day!!” Sreya was furious. She was literally shaking with anger when that boy – “what was his name? Yes, Akash” – casually came and offered a date. “How could he?”

“He was constantly checking me out.” Sreya tried to ignore him the entire evening, but his eyes were following her wherever she was going. “Even he deliberately asked for mint flavored blue lagoon when I ordered one at the mock tail counter. He was stalking me!!”

Angry and exhausted, Sreya took the phone from her bedside table & opened Facebook. “What the bloody hell! He has dared to send me friend request on Facebook so soon!” She saw a notification in her messenger, she could not believe her eyes! There is even a message from Akash.

Sreya has had enough. She is not going to tolerate this. She has already decided to find out who he is from her family and going to let this incident known to all. She will embarrass him in front of everyone.

This guy, with his somewhat long messy hair and rimless spects, was following her. He was wearing moccasin, sign of a lazy person. He cherry red color shirt’s sleeves were folded absent-mindedly; who folds sleeves on a formal occasion?! “No dressing sense”. He kept biting his nails, “so unhygienic! How could he think that he could speak to me? That also ask me out on the very first day? Send me friend request and message me on messenger?”

Sreya was furious. She kept aside her phone and closed her eyes to compose herself. “messy hair, rimless spects, moccasin, cherry red shirt, absent mindedly folded sleeves – WHAT THE HELL!” How did she notice so much? “When did I notice so much?”

“This guy don’t even know how to speak to a lady”. Aakash was direct in his approach. He came to Sreya and said, “I have been seeing you the entire evening; how “unreal” you look in that pinkish saree of yours’. I would like to have a chance of seeing you “real”, maybe in a salwar suit or jeans.” This was the pickup line. Sreya, being a near perfect idealistic girl, beautiful & descent, was furious in no time. He straightaway told Aakash to get lost. To this Aakash responded, “I have already lost myself”, turned towards his old, undusted car and drove off.

Sreya reran the entire evening in her mind. She suddenly jolted back to her senses. “Was I noticing him as well? How could I know what type of shoes he was wearing?”  There is not a single quality of Aakash that Sreya liked. But she did notice him. Her subconscious was playing with her. Her mind has stopped working, she doesn’t want to think any further. “He sent me a message. Let me see.”

She opened the message, it read “Sorry, I think I was being casual. I should have been more respectful while talking to you”.

Not everything with Aaksh is a FLAW.

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