Always

When nights are long

And friends are few

I sit by my window and think of you

A silent night, a silent tear

A silent wish that you were here

…

…

Sreya: i have been waiting

Akash: i know, and i am sorry

Sreya: i feel bad when ignored

Akash: i can never think of ignoring you. But i was driving for 3 hours

Sreya: i know that you were driving and i know the distance you went. But still i was feeling restless. I wanted to hear your voice and read your text

Akash: (smiling) and what else you feel?

Sreya: nothing

Akash: you know what i feel?

Sreya: (choosing to stay angry) no. I don’t want to know. The less i know the more happy i would be

Akash: okay then i won’t say

Sreya: speak!!!

Akash: (smiling again) i feel good knowing that someone is thinking about me

Sreya: and you don’t think about me!!

Akash: i don’t have to. You are the air i breathe.

Sreya: (feeling wow, but still wanting to stay angry) that’s cliche

Akash: that’s my truth. You are my addiction

Sreya: but still you didn’t text me

Akash: i wanted to. But i thought that you might think that i am nagging and pestering you all the time

Sreya: (really annoyed) you are right. It is better i give time to myself instead of you running in my head all the time

Akash: (feeling special) all the time?

Sreya: (shy) forget what I said

Akash: this is now etched in my memory. I will never forget this.

Sreya: (feeling loved) and what else you feel about me?

Akash: (feeling good) i feel happy. You are the rhythm of my favourite song; you are the scent of a newly purchased book; you are the flavour of a freshly brewed tea on a winter morning; you are my home

Sreya: (emotional) are these seriously what you feel?

Akash: (hurt) i don’t lie, and to you i can express myself

Sreya: i know that but it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would feel for me the way you do. I never thought that someone would understand me

Sreya: i am an introvert and i choose to keep my emotions to myself.

Akash: so am i. But i found happiness when telling you hours i feel

Sreya: (feeling loved) why?

Akash: i was a vagabond, enjoying day-dreams in my own little corner. And suddenly you came in front of me. I felt like i saw the moon coming out of the clouds.

Sreya: really? Was i able to make you that happy?

Akash: Happiness is unbound, infinite. I will follow you till eternity

Sreya: and if one day you feel that i am not worth, what will you do? What if you feel that i am hard to love given the fact that you can express and I may not be able to ever?

Akash: someday it may be hard to love you. But weren’t we taught that love is the art of holding back when we wanted to pack our bags and leave?

Akash: and who said that it is hard to love you. I have liked you in your own unique way. I will never want you to change. That is what makes you special.

Sreya: (happy) and you are loveable the way you are. I will always be with you.

Akash: (ecstatic) this is the best time i am spending. I never knew how beautiful it is to feel for someone. And you know what is more beautiful?

Sreya: what?

Akash: when i know that someone also feels for me.

Sreya: i do feel for you

Akash: i know.

Sreya: what else you have felt about me

Akash: your presence is joy. Your absence keeps me waiting. I miss you amidst a crowd, and your thoughts give me company on a lonely night. you are my soulmate.

Sreya: (smiling) your feelings are beautiful. Will it remain the same?

Akash: Always!!

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Comfort

I will be be gone with the winds

Blowing through your open hair

If you wish, ask me to stop

I will stay back embracing your soul

I will bring freshness after the mid-day rain

Fill your senses with the smell of petrichor

I am the warmth of the fireplace on a snowy evening

And the scent of a blissful garden

I won’t leave you ever alone

I will be the air you breathe

Time: late afternoon

Place: Akash’s room

Lazy Sunday!! Akash checked the movie booking app and found couple of good seats for the new movie. He wished for a 2nd date with Sreya, but didn’t know how to approach. So he dediced to ask her out for a movie that evening. When he found good seats, he messaged her immediately. “if you are free, can we go for a movie this evening?” After a couple of anxious minutes, Akash saw Sreya typing, and after a few moments it stopped. Akash was waiting with hope that there would be a positive response and his lazy Sunday will become beautifully exciting. After 3 more minutes her response was, “I need to go to a relative’s house with my parents”. Akash’s hopes dwindled. But family comes first and she has plans so there was nothing to do. “ Ok, enjoy the evening” Akash wrote back. Now Akash had nothing to do expect wondering what to do. In an instant he thought “let me go and see the movie”. It has created a buzz at the box office and Akash really wanted to see the movie. Also this is one of the many occasions he will go to see a movie alone. Without wasting time he immediately booked a ticket and got a good seat for himself.

Time: movie interval

Place: near Screen 2

Sreya was feeling remorse after she lied to Akash. She is not going to her relatives, instead wanted to keep a promise he made to a boy. She had reluctantly agreed to go to a movie this evening with him for the first and last time. This guy has been pestering for her attention for long, and she wanted to finish it off today. She had already developed a strong feeling for Akash and wanted to take it forward. She constantly kept thinking about Akash and feeling guilty for lying to him. Lost in her thoughts, her eyes met with Akash standing in the queue to buy pop corn. Immediately she understood the pain that Akash felt. Sreya’s world came shattering down at that very moment and she felt a mountain inside her chest.

Time: late evening

Place: inside Screen 4

Akash was going through a plethora of emotions. He was amid a sea of people cheering for the protagonist , but he felt lonely and lost, like a note in a corked bottle thrown into the sea.

When he first saw Sreya at the lounge he was delighted but when he understood that she had lied, his delight galloped away like a grand stallion. Adding to that, when he realised that she was with another boy, a tempest rattled his soul. In spite of his inner war, he showed no emotion and greeted them in his usual charming way.

Akash tried to compose himself. Sreya has every right to do whatever she wants. Her life, her story. He has not expressed his feeling and he cannot keep any expectations. His mind was trying to gain hope with these logical conclusions, but his heart is turning out to be stronger today. He felt heartbroken and hope seemed to be a mistake as it cannot mend his broken emotions. All his dreams with Sreya seemed to be an illusion like a magic. Akash felt a strong emotion of despair and a dumbness spread all over his hand and feet.

Time: end of Akash’s movie

Place: the staircase near the exit to screen 4

Akash hurriedly walked out of the exit. He wanted to go home and sleep. A new day may bring in new strength and help him rise with renewed hope. He will not blame and pursue Sreya as it is her life, also he will not let his emotions make him immobile. He walked as fast as he could when he again saw Sreya standing near the railing beside the staircase. His pain got a new strength to overwhelm his composure he could gain in the last couple of hours while fighting the devil within. He looked at her eyes, usually deep like an ocean but calm like a lake, but today they were filled to the brim waiting to over-pour with tears of sadness while searching for him. He could sense the guilt and anxiety she was going through. His pain gave way to affection. He realised that he doesn’t want to see her in pain and silently promised to be the best version of himself and give her all happiness in the world.

Sreya came out of the movie alone and well before it ended. She was not able to comprehend what she has done and didn’t want to be the good girl to this boy anymore. She had already started building her world around Akash and wants to decorate it with everything merry. She had seen Akash going into Screen 4 and decided to wait for him as long as it takes. Akash may not want to talk to her anymore, but she will not give up without trying. Sreya would explain herself and hope Akash would understand.

Epilogue:

Akash approached Sreya, his heart beating 1000 times faster. He has already forgotten what had happened earlier and only wanted to see her smile. She was wearing an off-white top and skirt, elegantly combined with a blue butterfly shaped earring. Her face was red with anxiety. Akash couldn’t help appreciating her beauty even in this situation.

They did not speak for a couple of minutes. Sreya wanted to apologise but seeing Akash’s affectionate and understanding eyes, she melted. She wanted to hug him and cry herself out. Akash gave a light pat on her and gently held her hand. Sreya held his hand back tightly. It was 10:45 PM. Two drops of tears rolled down her eyes, a sign of her relief and a longing for a beautiful ride back home with Akash.

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Almost

I am 99, and 11:59

I am the dart, that hits the outer bull’s eye

In a world of grace, her melody twirls

In her eyes she holds, the ocean’s glow

Place: the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight

Shreya was standing under the tree, the place which Akash told her. It was their first date, and he is late, 20 minutes now! Surprisingly she is not agitated. “Such a weird meeting place!! Typical Akash!!”, thought Sreya, with a slight smile and loads of good feelings. The euphony of the dried leaves made an agreeable interlude in her ears. The water in the lake was calm, only to be broken by the gentle ripples created by the almost white swans swimming gleefully. The banks of the lake were almost filled with water hyacinth. Some of the hydrophytes have bloomed with pretty light pink flowers. “An invasive plant specie can also be beautiful”, thought Sreya. The reflection of the setting sun on the water blurred by the occasional ripples created a hallucinating effect. The incessant chirping of the birds in the surrounding trees made a chaotic rhythm. A mild breeze mixed with the scent of wild vegetation was blowing through her lightly tied hair. Sreya was overwhelmed with excitement mixed with an unknown nervousness.

After her first bad encounter with Akash at the wedding, her impression gradually changed. When Akash apologised about his behaviour Sreya unknowingly started liking him. Maybe because of his respectful and charming behaviour. His initial apology converted into gradual conversation about everyday life. They started sharing their best memories and dreaded nightmares. She got to know Akash better. Their occasional pings converted into frequent messaging and sharing trivial incidents. Aakash had almost become a part of her everyday life, unknowingly.

Sreya was engrossed in her surrounding and thoughts when she saw Akash at a distance. His white shirt was folded almost upto his elbow. Again, signs of imperfection. But that did not stop the butterflies flying in her stomach which transformed into a smile at her face. She has already started falling for this incorrigible and imperfect boy.

Place: walkway to the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight

Akash’s favourite number is 7. He is a frequent to the place and knows almost all the corners here. He was aware that the setting sun’s rays would fall through that particular tree during sunset. And he was not wrong. The golden rays kissed gently on Sreya’s face. The mild breeze blew her locks of hair onto her face and she brushed them off absentmindedly. She was wearing a blue and white salwar, and a small black bindi. She was like a living poetry and Akash wanted to read it over and over again. The incoherent laughter from the nearby laughing club group is no distraction to the classical rhythm in front of him.

Sreya is the almost perfect girl Akash met in his life. He could not stop himself from chatting with her. Gradually he started feeling comfortable and opened up about himself. He shared his emotions, memories, likes and dislikes, an unlikely trait of an almost introvert like him. He never shared his emotions with anyone, but with Sreya it was different. He wanted to know her more and he only knows the fear and subsequent courage he had to muster before asking her out. Naturally he was ecstatic when she agreed and wanted to create the best impression. 

Aakash knew that Sreya was a perfectionist and he didn’t want to create another bad impression in front of her. But being Akash, misfortune never deserted him and he was unintentionally late. All along the way he was constantly thinking how to make amends for being late, which made his mind very chaotic. But the moment he saw Sreya from a distance, he almost immediately calmed down. Chaos gave way to rhythm, like the constant flow of a rivulet creating a soothing sound of water. 

When Sreya looked at him with a smile, his heart easily skipped a beat. Like an hourglass, his world turned upside down at that moment, and just like the grains of sand, he fell for her, slowly but completely.

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Lost

I am lost,
Like a note in a corked bottle;
And thrown into the ocean,
Wanting to be found
By the sailor singing for home,
And burnt in the hearth,
To rise like the phoneix,
From the blown away ashes

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Becoming

To take mossy, forgotten pathways

Some roads are lost to be found

To take detours, stop a while to stay

To find yourself, infinite and unbound

1:27 AM; Balcony

Aakash lit up a cigarette. He needed to clear off his mind before writing to Sreya. The rudeness in Sreya’s text did make him feel bad. And he was perplexed; “Why am I hurt?”

Any other day, any other girl, a response like that, and Aakash would have never turned back again. He tried the same with Sreya, but he couldn’t turn a blind eye to her, he couldn’t ignore her. His thoughts went back to her dreamy eyes, her addictive smile. Draped in saree, she was the most elegant beauty in the entire wedding. Aakash do not remember the bride, or the groom. But he does remember Sreya’s every bit today. This is not the usual Aakash. 

He has been thinking about her all throughout the evening; he is thinking about her now. After her response, he was hurt, but that did not prevent his thoughts, and the “feel good” feeling that her thoughts brought along. The more her words circled in his head, the more good feeling it gave him. More than the rudeness, he was happy that Sreya responded. This is a feeling Aakash never experienced, this is some uncharted territory that his emotions are flowing through.

1:30 AM; Balcony; Aakash is typing

“I am sorry, Sreya! I do feel bad behaving in such a way; and I do apologise for that. I do respect girls; today I had a strong temptation to talk to you, never ever I did such an act before. Sorry again :)”

Wow! Was it Aakash who wrote that message? Neither could Aakash believe what he wrote. He wanted to respond with a strong message, befitting response to her for judging him without knowing him. A punch on her face for concluding about his nature. The more he thought about her, his feelings gradually turned from rage, then feeling guilty and then to an unknown emotion. 

Aakash imagined her embarrassed expression when he approached her, it made him feel bad. He imagined her furious face, “She looked very cute being angry! Her expressive eyes were more sweet than the rosogolla!” He is feeling a void inside his chest, lost in his thoughts. He was unmindful of the moonlight casting a silvery spell on the dark road in front of his balcony. He was unmindful of the scent of the jasmines that adored the entire neighbourhood, or the white cotton like clouds that were floating in the sky. 

This is spring. Aakash is missing Sreya!

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Being

To break out, like the waves at sea

To fly happily, like the yellow butterfly

12:55 AM; Sreya’s bed

“Its okay, did not expect that you will stalk me and then apologise for that! Be a little more respectful next time.”

“Shit! I did not mean to be rude.” After the 20th attempt, Sreya drafted the text. She was not able to understand how she should respond. She was feeling good inside that Aakash texted her, but was not able to comprehend why she felt that way. At the same time, she was a bit disappointed also for his behaviour, earlier in the evening. She was unable to get in terms with her feelings.

With mixed emotions, this was all that she could respond. It was rude. “I don't know if he will respond to me. He is already an arrogant boy. My text will definitely hurt his ego! Should I apologise with a second text?”

Sreya is a beautiful girl, by appearance as well as by her personality. But she never took advantage of that. A lot of boys had approached her since her school days. She never liked anyone and was strong to express herself so that those guys never bothered her again. She never ever thought about love or her feelings. But this time, it was different. She could not understand why she was feeling bad, being rude to Aakash. She could not understand why she was feeling good, thinking about Aakash.

Sreya tried to divert herself and started thinking about the anatomy class next day. “I like anatomy, the lectures, the professor, my batchmates. I liked this evening. I liked when Aakash messaged me. Wait what?” Her thoughts have again drifted towards Aakash. “What is happening to my senses?”

1:30 AM; Balcony

For the last 10 minutes, Sreya was fighting with herself. She was constantly thinking, if Aakash would respond or not. Next moment, she wanted to smash his face, for being a disrespectful and arrogant boy. Again the next moment - “It was so sweet of him to apologise. Oh, so is he stalking me?” Her thoughts constantly went back to his cherry red shirt. “He was looking smart, and sweet? I find a boy to be sweet!!” Her head was thumping now. “Why is he not responding? How long should I wait?”

The next moment, Sreya decided to text him, against her nature. She will apologise for being rude, and then would block him. She does not want her focus to be diverted. She reached out for her phone, opened the app and saw, Aakash typing….

Sreya waited for him to finish, with butterflies in her stomach.. the yellow ones, her favourite. 

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Hope

The moonbeam wounding the forest dark;
the night’s reticence ruffled by a skylark

11:30 PM; Desolated broadways

The car’s engine and the headlight were the only two animated objects breaking the silence along the never engine stretch of the highway. The silver moonlight through the roadside trees casted a hallucinating effect; the orangish red light of the car’s dashboard added to the illusive ambience; the speedometer clocked 115 kph. Perfect setup, but today Aakash was not mindful of this platonic atmosphere!

Some 100 KMs from his home, Aakash’s parents cajoled him to attend the wedding, with the promise of good food at the reception. Aakash loved weddings – for the food; and for the girls draped in sarees. He was checking out the girls, when he saw Sreya. The moment was ethereal. He immediately started crushing on her.

He followed her all throughout the evening, ordered the mint flavoured blues lagoon – he hated mint – with hope that she will notice him. When nothing worked, he approached her, and casually asked for a date. Aakash never dared to go to this extent with any of his crushes. He was content to check them out from a distant. But this time it was different.

Aakash was remorse. He was feeling guilty of committing such an act. He is very respectful of girls, but somehow, tonight, he could not control his emotions. With guilt prevailing, he drove on, not mindful of his surroundings. His home was not too far away now. He wanted to reach as soon as possible and be left alone.

12:20 AM; Balcony

After reaching home, the first thing he did was to search for Sreya in Facebook and drop her an apology. He could sense her anger and embarrassment, but this is the best thing he could do now. He was wondering why he was feeling so much remorse, why he was frequently checking his mobile and hoping for a response from Sreya. “Why do I want to talk to you so much? Why do I want another opportunity to see you and have a memorable conversation?”  

He checked his mobile again. Sreya has read the message, but he is not expecting her to respond. This is making Aakash all the more remorse. “What she might be thinking about me? Will she reply to my message? Will she burst out?” Aakash wanted her to burst out, he will feel better and will be his salvation his immature behaviour. The streetlights were not glowing, they have also desolated him. The tree looked darker and solitary against the feeble moonlight. Aakash was feeling lonely.

He checked his messenger again. His heart got filled with a mixed emotion of happiness, anxiety, fear when he saw – Sreya is typing. Hope is not lost.

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Flaw

The soft crease on an ironed shirt

The gentle sputter when a motor starts

The fog cutting through spring mornings

The guilt hidden in the noblest of heart

12:20 AM; Sreya’s room

“How cheap of him to ask me out on the very first day!!” Sreya was furious. She was literally shaking with anger when that boy – “what was his name? Yes, Akash” – casually came and offered a date. “How could he?”

“He was constantly checking me out.” Sreya tried to ignore him the entire evening, but his eyes were following her wherever she was going. “Even he deliberately asked for mint flavored blue lagoon when I ordered one at the mock tail counter. He was stalking me!!”

Angry and exhausted, Sreya took the phone from her bedside table & opened Facebook. “What the bloody hell! He has dared to send me friend request on Facebook so soon!” She saw a notification in her messenger, she could not believe her eyes! There is even a message from Akash.

Sreya has had enough. She is not going to tolerate this. She has already decided to find out who he is from her family and going to let this incident known to all. She will embarrass him in front of everyone.

This guy, with his somewhat long messy hair and rimless spects, was following her. He was wearing moccasin, sign of a lazy person. He cherry red color shirt’s sleeves were folded absent-mindedly; who folds sleeves on a formal occasion?! “No dressing sense”. He kept biting his nails, “so unhygienic! How could he think that he could speak to me? That also ask me out on the very first day? Send me friend request and message me on messenger?”

Sreya was furious. She kept aside her phone and closed her eyes to compose herself. “messy hair, rimless spects, moccasin, cherry red shirt, absent mindedly folded sleeves – WHAT THE HELL!” How did she notice so much? “When did I notice so much?”

“This guy don’t even know how to speak to a lady”. Aakash was direct in his approach. He came to Sreya and said, “I have been seeing you the entire evening; how “unreal” you look in that pinkish saree of yours’. I would like to have a chance of seeing you “real”, maybe in a salwar suit or jeans.” This was the pickup line. Sreya, being a near perfect idealistic girl, beautiful & descent, was furious in no time. He straightaway told Aakash to get lost. To this Aakash responded, “I have already lost myself”, turned towards his old, undusted car and drove off.

Sreya reran the entire evening in her mind. She suddenly jolted back to her senses. “Was I noticing him as well? How could I know what type of shoes he was wearing?”  There is not a single quality of Aakash that Sreya liked. But she did notice him. Her subconscious was playing with her. Her mind has stopped working, she doesn’t want to think any further. “He sent me a message. Let me see.”

She opened the message, it read “Sorry, I think I was being casual. I should have been more respectful while talking to you”.

Not everything with Aaksh is a FLAW.

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Silence of the Lambs

A silent night lit only by the moonlight; dark open fields on both sides of the road, sometimes rows of unknown trees with flashes of glittering silver on their leaves; and an unknown road under the full moon. Feel the air blowing through the hair. Lavishly elegant!!!

Sunday evvening @ 8:30PM. Stereotyped and lazy Sunday evening. Aakash had nothing do but wonder what to do.

Same evening @ 9PM. He was travelling at 50kmph on a bike along the unbent stretch of the highway. He and his friend took a fulminant decision to travel on some unknown roads. And so here they are, uncertain of the end of their unknown errand.

“When should we turn back”, his friend asked.

“See that distant road over there? We turn when that road meets ours”, replied Aakash through the rattling wind.

20mins into the journey, the road is becoming more and more marooned, and the journey exciting. Never before had Aakash gone on such a trip. He had only dreamed of something like this. An unruffled road, silent and spooky fields and a beautiful moon with chunks of white clouds surrounding it; the feeling is unexplainable. “You have to travel it to understand it.”

10 more minutes. They crossed a junction void of any human presence.  Going by the number of shops and an empty bus terminus, it can be easily said that it must be a busy place on normal days. But today it is nothing more than a forgotten territory. They stopped at a detour to ask the only human present what place that was. Aakash found it difficult to remember the name, so he decided not to try it. They lighted two cigars. There was a statue of some unknown and strange figure with his arms stretched at the juncture of the diversion. It appeared that the place was waiting for them. It was terribly silent and freakishly beautiful. Almost 9:45 and they decided, somewhat reluctantly, to turn back.

@ 10:10PM. They reached their hostel. It always happens that the return journey seems to take much shorter time after a beautiful trp. Today was no different.

“In our monotonous life, when we make vagabond excursions like this, we realize that life, in simple words, is good.” Somewhere, deep in his heart, Aakash was missing Sreya!!

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Reminiscence

Sunday, 30^th January, 2011 – Chennai

11:40PM: “Today, when I look from a distance, the things that I have left behind seems larger than life” – this has been Aakash’s best line for the last few months; and perhaps his worst time. Today he sits alone with his laptop, waiting for friends to ping him, or waiting for someone to reply to his ping. But his wait is never over. “Will it ever get over?”

Wednesday, 25^th August, 2010 – Chennai

11:00PM: Another hard day at office. Tired and drenched, Aakash returned home about 5 minutes back. He eluded his mom’s evening call. He thought to call her back after he has completed his work. But he forgot. He always forgets!

“Oh shit, Sreya!! I have to call Sreya. There were 12 missed calls from her. She must be waiting.” This is their seventh patch up phase. Distance had separated them and ultimately they broke off. After a break of one and a half months, they decided to patch up again. And what the mess he has made today. “I will never learn to maintain relationships!!” he groaned. Without wasting any time he dials her number. One full ring, no answer. Immediately he redials. Sreya picks up this time and in a sleepy voice says “Aakash, you returned?”

Relaxed by her calm voice, he replied: “Yes. Sorry I couldn’t call you today. Was having very tough time at office. “

Sreya: “I know. At least you could have called aunty. She was much tensed.”

Aakash: “She called you?”

Sreya: “Yes, only to find out whether you had called or not. Okay Aakash, I am very sleepy. Will hang up now. Talk to you tomorrow. And call aunty NOW. She is waiting for your call.”

Aakash: “Okay I will. Bye. Goodnight.”

Sreya: “Bye.”

11:15 PM: “Hello Ma. Sorry I forgot to call you.”

Ma: “No problem son. But don’t forget these small things. It will affect your relationships.”

..

..

..

Friday, 24^rd September, 2010 – Still in Chennai

2:00AM:

..

..

Sreya: (sobs) “…this is the third consecutive day that you didn’t call me.”

Aakash: “I really forgot. Work has become so hectic. I didn’t get any time at all. See I haven’t changed my clothes till now.”

Sreya: “Today also you would have forgotten to call me if I hadn’t.

Aakash: “No. I was about to call you.”

Sreya: “Aakash, don’t lie.”

Aakash: (silent)

Sreya: “See I can understand that you are having tough time at office. But please give at least 5 minutes for your family and friends. You even forget to call aunty!! When will you become responsible? When will you start caring for your loved ones?”

Aakash: (somewhat annoyed)” See Sreya who told you that I don’t love or care for my family and friends? Is it necessary to show?”

Sreya: “Yes it is. These small gestures build up relationships.”

Aakash: “I don’t understand you. Why do you always have to boss me in this matter?”

Sreya: “Because you are still immature.”

Aakash: “Maybe. And that is why it is getting difficult for me to maintain relationship with you. It is not possible for me to take extra burdens of routine calls. This distance is causing all the problems. See Sreya, I agree I forget to call you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or care for you. And also I can’t promise to call you every time. If you can stay with me like this, then okay. It is getting difficult for me to continue this long distance relationship. “

Sreya: “Are you breaking up with me again?”

Aakash: “Maybe, yes. At least as long as I don’t return to Kolkata.”

Sreya: “Aakash, you are pathetic. You are selfish and mean. I hate you.”

Sreya cuts the phone and immediately Aakash realizes that he has crossed all limits. He cannot undo what he has done and also Sreya won’t listen to him now. She has been terrific all these days after their patch up. She understood, never fought with him. It was Aakash only who used to fight with her. And now he has messed up everything. He lost her, again.

Monday, 27^th December, 2010 – Kolkata (somewhere along the bank of Ganga)

Twilight: After a never ending wait of fifteen minutes, Sreya came and sat beside him. Aakash is on vacation leave and after some grueling efforts he has managed to convince Sreya to meet him for at least half an hour. After their final fight, they have spoken only thrice, the last one being Aakash’s effort to convince her to meet him.

Aakash: “I am sorry Sreya. I shouldn’t have told you all those rubbish things.”

Sreya: “Aakash, no use of your sorry now. I have decided. You will be better without me. At least ‘Sreya headache’ will go off your head. You won’t have the ‘extra burden” of that ’routine call’.”

Aakash: “Please Sreya don’t speak like that. I am here to mend everything for the final time.”

Sreya: “That’s what you told on our last patch up.”

Aakash: “umm… Sreya…”

Sreya: “Aakash let me get this clear. I am not ready to patch up with you now. I love you and I don’t want to disrespect it with words like ‘burden’ and ‘routine calls’. It is very tough for me to say this, but I mean it. You asked me to wait for you till you return. I will wait for you. You need not maintain long distance relationships anymore. Till then, goodbye.”

Aakash had nothing to say. He saw her royal blue dupatta disappear with the setting sun. The surrounding is becoming dark. Aakash sat there, alone. His folly has overcome his emotions.

Present day and time – Chennai

No reply from Sreya. Everyday Aakash pings her, eagerly expecting her something to say. But in vain. Today he is alone. The calls he thought to be “routines” were actually solace that he used to find after office. He has lost his solace, his love. Her sweet and charming voice at day’s end used to give him peace. All because of his incapability to maintain long distance relationships, he lost everything. Today he stares blankly at the white window of his chat box with a little picture of smiling Sreya at the left most corner of the window.

Hey, someone pinged… The tab read, “New Message from Sreya”

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Token of Love

Time: 4:30 PM Place: Airport

....this is the last and final call for passengers of Flight No. 0934...

Sreya reluctantly walked towards the boarding counter to collect her boarding pass. She was going to Delhi at her maternal uncle's place for a month. She wont be seeing Aakash for such a long period. She had dearly wished that Aakash would show up at the airport. He had promised to come and see her off when she apprised him about her vacation. She had childishly asked for a rose on the D-day, as a symbol of retention. But last night they had a fight. For reason unknown to her, Aakash was behaving rudely. "Perhaps, he was a bit upset as i wont be with him for a month," thought Sreya. It is normal in love, though. But she never had thought that Aakash wouldnot turn up. She sought for him for the final time amidst the crowd. There was no sign of him. Dejected, she headed towards the boarding counter where her parents were waiting for her.



Time: 4:45 PM Place: City Hospital

Aakash tried his best to get up from the hospital bed. He tried his best to open his eyes. He needed to go to the airport. Sreya must be waitng for him. But he couldn't.

Two bottles of blood were given to Aakash. There were injuries all over his body. His right ulna has broken into three pieces and his ankle has been dislocated. His condition was critical. If it had been a few more minutes late in bringing him, he would have been lost forever. It was a terrible accident. Actually he was heading towards the airport. When he got down from the bus he remembered about the rose he had promised. Luckily, he found a flower shop nearby. He got himself a beautiful red rose. "Sreya will be more than happy," he thought. He was bit upset with himself for fighting with her last night. Actually, he didn't want to believe that he wont be seeing or speaking to her for a whole month. He knew that his thinking was wrong. But still he was unable to refrain himself form thinking so.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that he was onto to the roads. There was no chance for the taxi's driver to break. It hit him severely, which left him unconscious.


Time: twilight Place: Near the accident spot

The little beggar-girl found a red rose left carelessly near the pavement. Stains of blood were on its leaves. Nevertheless, she picked it up. It was the first time that she was holding such a pretty flower in her small dirty hands. She had only seen them at the shop across the road. She proudly held it high. The sky had taken a beautiful hue of sepia. A plane flew by in the background. The rose was really looking beautiful.

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a pleasant morning.

It is a pleasant morning Aakash woke up to. The sun is shining brightly against the light blue canvass. The sky is clear, with patches of white clouds sailing here and there. It had rained last night. The air is full of freshness. The plants in the field has covered themselves with a fresh blanket of flowers. The squirrels are running here and there. There is the mother bird, feeding her "all time" hungry chicks. A rainbow has formed in the distant sky, but it is not very distinct. Patches of water...... o haseena zulfon waali jaane jahan....

The shrill sound of his mobile phone's alarm broke his dream. It is the third day in a row that this has happened. Somehow, he cannot complete his dream, nor can he live it!!!

Aakash got out of his bed. Yeah it is morning, but a gloomy one. All he could see were dark clouds hovering over. It had rained frightfully last night. Everything around is still wet. He glanced over his lone seasonal flowering plant. No!! No flowers still!! He is not sure how much longer he has to wait for a flower. Two street dogs are barking at a beggar. Perhaps he tried to steal some food which were meant for those dogs!!! "A mother bird feeding her chicks", he recalled his dream. Can he find something like that?? Oh, forget it!! There are no space in this jungle of concrete for a bird to nest!!! Perhaps he can sight a rainbow. No such luck either!! His day thus commenced. Again a day full of tensions, expectations, desires, hopes and finally their downfall. "I wish i could live in my dreams," he murmured.

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The most anticipated call...

. . .
. . .
. . .
Aakash: …..its better we go in our own ways den!!

Sreya: Dats the best thing u can say.. I knew it all the time.. (sobs) I thought that you would become a bit more responsible..

Aakash: Where is responsibility coming over here?

Sreya: Forget it.. Goodbye..




After 3 months or so…

Another morning Aakash woke up with dreamy eyes. It has been over a week that insomnia has engulfed his nights. He just can’t get her off his mind. She just comes into his thoughts and he can’t help it. In fact, he likes it. He likes thinking about her.

Actually Aakash and Sreya started seeing each other around 7 months earlier. They had met each other at a wedding ceremony. As usual Aakash was busy scanning the beautiful bongs that thronged the place. In an ethereal moment, he saw Sreya. Immediately, he began harbouring a crush on her. So it all started with a crush! After a few days, they went for a date, though the girl was a bit reluctant at first. But nevertheless, she went. Actually she had also developed a liking for him. Their dates went up in numbers day by day. Sreya was deeply in love with him. But Aaksh was never really serious about her. He was a guy with a very fickle mind. He never really gave any serious thinking on any matter. So the day she expressed her feelings, Aakash was perplexed. He did not know whether he loved her or not. After all it was just another crush. Just another!!!! He was not at all ready to take up the responsibility of love!!!

Things are different now. He knows that he loves her. He misses her. He misses her dainty smile, her lovely eyes, her feathery hands and above all her charming and lovingness character. Sreya is the best girl he could have ever find, if not the perfect. But it is too late to realize that. He has hurt her so very much. He can’t forget those sobbing eyes on the day they broke off. Its was all due to Aakash.

Late may be, but he decides to give her a call and apologize. Maybe she wont forgive, but at least he would know that. It was his first call in three months. He dials her number. The phone rings…

Sreya: (somewhat perplexed tone) Hello!

Aaksh: Hi Sreya!

Sreya: A pleasant surprise Aakash! Never in my nightmares I thought that u would call me!!

Aakash: Even I had never thought so. How are u?

Sreya: Just getting used to a life without you!!

Aakash: (speechless)

Sreya: So why did u call?

Aakash: I wanted to apologize.

Sreya: You what!!!!!! Are u kidding?

Aakash: No Sreya. I am serious. I am sorry that I hurt u so much! I was not ready to take up the responsibility of love.

Sreya: I know that Aakash...

Aakash: I…I think that I love you.. Can we patch up Sreya? I miss you a lot.

Sreya: I always knew you loved me. It was you who didn't. You still haven’t changed, Aakash. Now u miss me, you want to patch up. But where were you when I needed you? You didn’t even bothered to find out how I was doing!!

Aakash: I.. I thought you would be better without me.

Sreya: Who asked you to think so much!!! Frankly Aakash, its too late now for a patch up.

Aakash: Cant you reconsider your decision? Give me a call if you change ur decision.

Sreya: Sure I shall. But don’t expect it. I have moved on.

Aaksh: Moved on?? Still, I shall wait. Bye. Take care.

Sreya: Bye Aakash. You take care 2. And be happy with your life.


That night, Aakash received the most anticipated and beautiful call of his entire life!! It was from Sreya.

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Yes, we can.. If we want 2

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The value of Rs. 500

Worth giving a thought, isnt it?

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Elegy Written In A Country Churchyard

A masterpiece by Thomas Grey

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

Now fades the glimmering landscape on the sight,
And all the air a solemn stillness holds,
Save where the beetle wheels his droning flight,
And drowsy tinkling lull the distant folds:

Save that from yonder ivy-mantled tower
The moping owl does to the moon complain
Of such as, wandering near her secret bower,
Molest her ancient solitary reign.

Beneath those rugged elms, that yew-tree's shade,
Where heaves the turf in many a moldering heap,
Each in his narrow cell for ever laid,
The rude Forefathers of the hamlet sleep.

The breezy call of incense-breathing morn,
The swallow twittering from the straw-built shed,
The cock's shrill clarion, or the echoing horn,
No more shall rouse them from their lowly bed.

For them no more the blazing hearth shall burn,
Or busy housewife ply her evening care:
No children run to lisp their sire's return,
Or climb his knees the envied kiss to share,

Oft did the harvest to their sickle yield,
Their furrow oft the stubborn glebe has broke;
How jocund did they drive their team afield!
How bow'd the woods beneath their sturdy stroke!

Let not Ambition mock their useful toil,
Their homely joys, and destiny obscure;
Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
The short and simple annals of the Poor.

The boast of heraldry, the pomp of power,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Awaits alike th' inevitable hour:-
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

Nor you, ye Proud, impute to these the fault
If Memory o'er their tomb no trophies raise,
Where through the long-drawn aisle and fretted vault
The pealing anthem swells the note of praise.

Can storied urn or animated bust
Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can Honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
Or Flattery soothe the dull cold ear of Death?

Perhaps in this neglected spot is laid
Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire;
Hands, that the rod of empire might have sway'd,
Or waked to ecstasy the living lyre:

But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page,
Rich with the spoils of time, did ne'er unroll;
Chill Penury repress'd their noble rage,
And froze the genial current of the soul.

Full many a gem of purest ray serene
The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear:
Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air.

Some village-Hampden, that with dauntless breast
The little tyrant of his fields withstood,
Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,
Some Cromwell, guiltless of his country's blood.

Th' applause of list'ning senates to command,
The threats of pain and ruin to despise,
To scatter plenty o'er a smiling land,
And read their history in a nation's eyes,

Their lot forbad: nor circumscribed alone
Their growing virtues, but their crimes confined;
Forbad to wade through slaughter to a throne,
And shut the gates of mercy on mankind,

The struggling pangs of conscious truth to hide,
To quench the blushes of ingenuous shame,
Or heap the shrine of Luxury and Pride
With incense kindled at the Muse's flame.

Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife,
Their sober wishes never learn'd to stray;
Along the cool sequester'd vale of life
They kept the noiseless tenour of their way.

Yet e'en these bones from insult to protect
Some frail memorial still erected nigh,
With uncouth rhymes and shapeless sculpture deck'd,
Implores the passing tribute of a sigh.

Their name, their years, spelt by th' unletter'd Muse,
The place of fame and elegy supply:
And many a holy text around she strews,
That teach the rustic moralist to die.

For who, to dumb forgetfulness a prey,
This pleasing anxious being e'er resign'd,
Left the warm precincts of the cheerful day,
Nor cast one longing lingering look behind?

On some fond breast the parting soul relies,
Some pious drops the closing eye requires;
E'en from the tomb the voice of Nature cries,
E'en in our ashes live their wonted fires.

For thee, who, mindful of th' unhonour'd dead,
Dost in these lines their artless tale relate;
If chance, by lonely contemplation led,
Some kindred spirit shall inquire thy fate, --

Haply some hoary-headed swain may say,
"Oft have we seen him at the peep of dawn
Brushing with hasty steps the dews away,
To meet the sun upon the upland lawn;

"There at the foot of yonder nodding beech
That wreathes its old fantastic roots so high.
His listless length at noontide would he stretch,
And pore upon the brook that babbles by.

"Hard by yon wood, now smiling as in scorn,
Muttering his wayward fancies he would rove;
Now drooping, woeful wan, like one forlorn,
Or crazed with care, or cross'd in hopeless love.

"One morn I miss'd him on the custom'd hill,
Along the heath, and near his favourite tree;
Another came; nor yet beside the rill,
Nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he;

"The next with dirges due in sad array
Slow through the church-way path we saw him borne,-
Approach and read (for thou canst read) the lay
Graved on the stone beneath yon aged thorn."

The Epitaph

Here rests his head upon the lap of Earth
A youth to Fortune and to Fame unknown.
Fair Science frowned not on his humble birth,
And Melacholy marked him for her own.

Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere,
Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
He gave to Misery all he had, a tear,
He gained from Heaven ('twas all he wish'd) a friend.

No farther seek his merits to disclose,
Or draw his frailties from their dread abode
(There they alike in trembling hope repose),
The bosom of his Father and his God.

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