Always

When nights are long

And friends are few

I sit by my window and think of you

A silent night, a silent tear

A silent wish that you were here

…

…

Sreya: i have been waiting

Akash: i know, and i am sorry

Sreya: i feel bad when ignored

Akash: i can never think of ignoring you. But i was driving for 3 hours

Sreya: i know that you were driving and i know the distance you went. But still i was feeling restless. I wanted to hear your voice and read your text

Akash: (smiling) and what else you feel?

Sreya: nothing

Akash: you know what i feel?

Sreya: (choosing to stay angry) no. I don’t want to know. The less i know the more happy i would be

Akash: okay then i won’t say

Sreya: speak!!!

Akash: (smiling again) i feel good knowing that someone is thinking about me

Sreya: and you don’t think about me!!

Akash: i don’t have to. You are the air i breathe.

Sreya: (feeling wow, but still wanting to stay angry) that’s cliche

Akash: that’s my truth. You are my addiction

Sreya: but still you didn’t text me

Akash: i wanted to. But i thought that you might think that i am nagging and pestering you all the time

Sreya: (really annoyed) you are right. It is better i give time to myself instead of you running in my head all the time

Akash: (feeling special) all the time?

Sreya: (shy) forget what I said

Akash: this is now etched in my memory. I will never forget this.

Sreya: (feeling loved) and what else you feel about me?

Akash: (feeling good) i feel happy. You are the rhythm of my favourite song; you are the scent of a newly purchased book; you are the flavour of a freshly brewed tea on a winter morning; you are my home

Sreya: (emotional) are these seriously what you feel?

Akash: (hurt) i don’t lie, and to you i can express myself

Sreya: i know that but it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would feel for me the way you do. I never thought that someone would understand me

Sreya: i am an introvert and i choose to keep my emotions to myself.

Akash: so am i. But i found happiness when telling you hours i feel

Sreya: (feeling loved) why?

Akash: i was a vagabond, enjoying day-dreams in my own little corner. And suddenly you came in front of me. I felt like i saw the moon coming out of the clouds.

Sreya: really? Was i able to make you that happy?

Akash: Happiness is unbound, infinite. I will follow you till eternity

Sreya: and if one day you feel that i am not worth, what will you do? What if you feel that i am hard to love given the fact that you can express and I may not be able to ever?

Akash: someday it may be hard to love you. But weren’t we taught that love is the art of holding back when we wanted to pack our bags and leave?

Akash: and who said that it is hard to love you. I have liked you in your own unique way. I will never want you to change. That is what makes you special.

Sreya: (happy) and you are loveable the way you are. I will always be with you.

Akash: (ecstatic) this is the best time i am spending. I never knew how beautiful it is to feel for someone. And you know what is more beautiful?

Sreya: what?

Akash: when i know that someone also feels for me.

Sreya: i do feel for you

Akash: i know.

Sreya: what else you have felt about me

Akash: your presence is joy. Your absence keeps me waiting. I miss you amidst a crowd, and your thoughts give me company on a lonely night. you are my soulmate.

Sreya: (smiling) your feelings are beautiful. Will it remain the same?

Akash: Always!!

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Comfort

I will be be gone with the winds

Blowing through your open hair

If you wish, ask me to stop

I will stay back embracing your soul

I will bring freshness after the mid-day rain

Fill your senses with the smell of petrichor

I am the warmth of the fireplace on a snowy evening

And the scent of a blissful garden

I won’t leave you ever alone

I will be the air you breathe

Time: late afternoon

Place: Akash’s room

Lazy Sunday!! Akash checked the movie booking app and found couple of good seats for the new movie. He wished for a 2nd date with Sreya, but didn’t know how to approach. So he dediced to ask her out for a movie that evening. When he found good seats, he messaged her immediately. “if you are free, can we go for a movie this evening?” After a couple of anxious minutes, Akash saw Sreya typing, and after a few moments it stopped. Akash was waiting with hope that there would be a positive response and his lazy Sunday will become beautifully exciting. After 3 more minutes her response was, “I need to go to a relative’s house with my parents”. Akash’s hopes dwindled. But family comes first and she has plans so there was nothing to do. “ Ok, enjoy the evening” Akash wrote back. Now Akash had nothing to do expect wondering what to do. In an instant he thought “let me go and see the movie”. It has created a buzz at the box office and Akash really wanted to see the movie. Also this is one of the many occasions he will go to see a movie alone. Without wasting time he immediately booked a ticket and got a good seat for himself.

Time: movie interval

Place: near Screen 2

Sreya was feeling remorse after she lied to Akash. She is not going to her relatives, instead wanted to keep a promise he made to a boy. She had reluctantly agreed to go to a movie this evening with him for the first and last time. This guy has been pestering for her attention for long, and she wanted to finish it off today. She had already developed a strong feeling for Akash and wanted to take it forward. She constantly kept thinking about Akash and feeling guilty for lying to him. Lost in her thoughts, her eyes met with Akash standing in the queue to buy pop corn. Immediately she understood the pain that Akash felt. Sreya’s world came shattering down at that very moment and she felt a mountain inside her chest.

Time: late evening

Place: inside Screen 4

Akash was going through a plethora of emotions. He was amid a sea of people cheering for the protagonist , but he felt lonely and lost, like a note in a corked bottle thrown into the sea.

When he first saw Sreya at the lounge he was delighted but when he understood that she had lied, his delight galloped away like a grand stallion. Adding to that, when he realised that she was with another boy, a tempest rattled his soul. In spite of his inner war, he showed no emotion and greeted them in his usual charming way.

Akash tried to compose himself. Sreya has every right to do whatever she wants. Her life, her story. He has not expressed his feeling and he cannot keep any expectations. His mind was trying to gain hope with these logical conclusions, but his heart is turning out to be stronger today. He felt heartbroken and hope seemed to be a mistake as it cannot mend his broken emotions. All his dreams with Sreya seemed to be an illusion like a magic. Akash felt a strong emotion of despair and a dumbness spread all over his hand and feet.

Time: end of Akash’s movie

Place: the staircase near the exit to screen 4

Akash hurriedly walked out of the exit. He wanted to go home and sleep. A new day may bring in new strength and help him rise with renewed hope. He will not blame and pursue Sreya as it is her life, also he will not let his emotions make him immobile. He walked as fast as he could when he again saw Sreya standing near the railing beside the staircase. His pain got a new strength to overwhelm his composure he could gain in the last couple of hours while fighting the devil within. He looked at her eyes, usually deep like an ocean but calm like a lake, but today they were filled to the brim waiting to over-pour with tears of sadness while searching for him. He could sense the guilt and anxiety she was going through. His pain gave way to affection. He realised that he doesn’t want to see her in pain and silently promised to be the best version of himself and give her all happiness in the world.

Sreya came out of the movie alone and well before it ended. She was not able to comprehend what she has done and didn’t want to be the good girl to this boy anymore. She had already started building her world around Akash and wants to decorate it with everything merry. She had seen Akash going into Screen 4 and decided to wait for him as long as it takes. Akash may not want to talk to her anymore, but she will not give up without trying. Sreya would explain herself and hope Akash would understand.

Epilogue:

Akash approached Sreya, his heart beating 1000 times faster. He has already forgotten what had happened earlier and only wanted to see her smile. She was wearing an off-white top and skirt, elegantly combined with a blue butterfly shaped earring. Her face was red with anxiety. Akash couldn’t help appreciating her beauty even in this situation.

They did not speak for a couple of minutes. Sreya wanted to apologise but seeing Akash’s affectionate and understanding eyes, she melted. She wanted to hug him and cry herself out. Akash gave a light pat on her and gently held her hand. Sreya held his hand back tightly. It was 10:45 PM. Two drops of tears rolled down her eyes, a sign of her relief and a longing for a beautiful ride back home with Akash.

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Almost

I am 99, and 11:59

I am the dart, that hits the outer bull’s eye

In a world of grace, her melody twirls

In her eyes she holds, the ocean’s glow

Place: the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight

Shreya was standing under the tree, the place which Akash told her. It was their first date, and he is late, 20 minutes now! Surprisingly she is not agitated. “Such a weird meeting place!! Typical Akash!!”, thought Sreya, with a slight smile and loads of good feelings. The euphony of the dried leaves made an agreeable interlude in her ears. The water in the lake was calm, only to be broken by the gentle ripples created by the almost white swans swimming gleefully. The banks of the lake were almost filled with water hyacinth. Some of the hydrophytes have bloomed with pretty light pink flowers. “An invasive plant specie can also be beautiful”, thought Sreya. The reflection of the setting sun on the water blurred by the occasional ripples created a hallucinating effect. The incessant chirping of the birds in the surrounding trees made a chaotic rhythm. A mild breeze mixed with the scent of wild vegetation was blowing through her lightly tied hair. Sreya was overwhelmed with excitement mixed with an unknown nervousness.

After her first bad encounter with Akash at the wedding, her impression gradually changed. When Akash apologised about his behaviour Sreya unknowingly started liking him. Maybe because of his respectful and charming behaviour. His initial apology converted into gradual conversation about everyday life. They started sharing their best memories and dreaded nightmares. She got to know Akash better. Their occasional pings converted into frequent messaging and sharing trivial incidents. Aakash had almost become a part of her everyday life, unknowingly.

Sreya was engrossed in her surrounding and thoughts when she saw Akash at a distance. His white shirt was folded almost upto his elbow. Again, signs of imperfection. But that did not stop the butterflies flying in her stomach which transformed into a smile at her face. She has already started falling for this incorrigible and imperfect boy.

Place: walkway to the tree beside bench no 7

Time: twilight

Akash’s favourite number is 7. He is a frequent to the place and knows almost all the corners here. He was aware that the setting sun’s rays would fall through that particular tree during sunset. And he was not wrong. The golden rays kissed gently on Sreya’s face. The mild breeze blew her locks of hair onto her face and she brushed them off absentmindedly. She was wearing a blue and white salwar, and a small black bindi. She was like a living poetry and Akash wanted to read it over and over again. The incoherent laughter from the nearby laughing club group is no distraction to the classical rhythm in front of him.

Sreya is the almost perfect girl Akash met in his life. He could not stop himself from chatting with her. Gradually he started feeling comfortable and opened up about himself. He shared his emotions, memories, likes and dislikes, an unlikely trait of an almost introvert like him. He never shared his emotions with anyone, but with Sreya it was different. He wanted to know her more and he only knows the fear and subsequent courage he had to muster before asking her out. Naturally he was ecstatic when she agreed and wanted to create the best impression. 

Aakash knew that Sreya was a perfectionist and he didn’t want to create another bad impression in front of her. But being Akash, misfortune never deserted him and he was unintentionally late. All along the way he was constantly thinking how to make amends for being late, which made his mind very chaotic. But the moment he saw Sreya from a distance, he almost immediately calmed down. Chaos gave way to rhythm, like the constant flow of a rivulet creating a soothing sound of water. 

When Sreya looked at him with a smile, his heart easily skipped a beat. Like an hourglass, his world turned upside down at that moment, and just like the grains of sand, he fell for her, slowly but completely.

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Lost

I am lost,
Like a note in a corked bottle;
And thrown into the ocean,
Wanting to be found
By the sailor singing for home,
And burnt in the hearth,
To rise like the phoneix,
From the blown away ashes

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Becoming

To take mossy, forgotten pathways

Some roads are lost to be found

To take detours, stop a while to stay

To find yourself, infinite and unbound

1:27 AM; Balcony

Aakash lit up a cigarette. He needed to clear off his mind before writing to Sreya. The rudeness in Sreya’s text did make him feel bad. And he was perplexed; “Why am I hurt?”

Any other day, any other girl, a response like that, and Aakash would have never turned back again. He tried the same with Sreya, but he couldn’t turn a blind eye to her, he couldn’t ignore her. His thoughts went back to her dreamy eyes, her addictive smile. Draped in saree, she was the most elegant beauty in the entire wedding. Aakash do not remember the bride, or the groom. But he does remember Sreya’s every bit today. This is not the usual Aakash. 

He has been thinking about her all throughout the evening; he is thinking about her now. After her response, he was hurt, but that did not prevent his thoughts, and the “feel good” feeling that her thoughts brought along. The more her words circled in his head, the more good feeling it gave him. More than the rudeness, he was happy that Sreya responded. This is a feeling Aakash never experienced, this is some uncharted territory that his emotions are flowing through.

1:30 AM; Balcony; Aakash is typing

“I am sorry, Sreya! I do feel bad behaving in such a way; and I do apologise for that. I do respect girls; today I had a strong temptation to talk to you, never ever I did such an act before. Sorry again :)”

Wow! Was it Aakash who wrote that message? Neither could Aakash believe what he wrote. He wanted to respond with a strong message, befitting response to her for judging him without knowing him. A punch on her face for concluding about his nature. The more he thought about her, his feelings gradually turned from rage, then feeling guilty and then to an unknown emotion. 

Aakash imagined her embarrassed expression when he approached her, it made him feel bad. He imagined her furious face, “She looked very cute being angry! Her expressive eyes were more sweet than the rosogolla!” He is feeling a void inside his chest, lost in his thoughts. He was unmindful of the moonlight casting a silvery spell on the dark road in front of his balcony. He was unmindful of the scent of the jasmines that adored the entire neighbourhood, or the white cotton like clouds that were floating in the sky. 

This is spring. Aakash is missing Sreya!

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